It is …..30th April!!!

I woke up today to find that it is 30^th April, it was the worst day in my life, just remembering that, made me cry before even I could able to open my eyes in the very early morning.

30^th April , is a very critical day in my life, my whole life has been changed after that day, I had feelings I didn’t have before, I’ve passed by events I didn’t pass by before. I could remember every detail, every face, and every feeling as if it was yesterday!

Flash-backing…it was 30 April 2002, I was in the secondary stage, the second year, it was about month for the final exams to start, and I was trying to do my best to reach a high score (as far as you know how much critical this was) to join my target faculty, and to please my parents and all people around. My brothers were kids, and my sister was preparing for the final school’s party, she was a member in the school’s Coral.

Tuesday, 30 -04 – 2002: 1 AM:

My mother has just arrived with my grand ma from the hospital, and we had the following conversation:

Me: eh el a5bar ?

Grand ma: la lala da feeh ta7asson kbeer MSA.

Me (I didn’t believe her actually but I tried to be optimistic).

After that everyone went to his room to sleep, but I found my mother’s room lights still switched on, I went to her, and asked her:

Me: howa feeeh eh bezzabt, shakloko mesh mazboot.

Mother: ed3ello ya Yassmin, howa ta3ban awe, ed3elo rabena yer7amo ayan kan ezaaay!

I heard those words and went back to my studies, I remember that I was studying the Arabic Language’s Story, It was ( wa eslamaah), I’ve opened the book, chapter 1; but..I only saw his face covering the page, I turned the page, also his face, the next one, the same result, my tears has covered everything, and I cried that night till 4 AM!!

I remembered everything about him, I remembered the times when he was playing with us, I remembered him when he was playing (wrest) with me and how much he was strong, I remembered the time when I was sick , and he was carrying me between the hospitals at late nights while he was crying!. I remembered his call from KSA on my birthday at 6 AM just to be the first one to say happy birthday, I remembered him once telling me on the phone “oleely law feeh 7ad meza3alek ya Yassmin we ana agelo men KSA be shebsheb”. I remembered my favorite word ”enty el 5eer wel Baraka ya Yassmin, enty awel far7etna”…I really missed him and need him a lot!

And finally, I remembered him in his last days, when he looks pale and he was praying on a chair, he told me that time : “IsA ha5ef ya Yassmin we arga3 el sho3’l tany L” , but unfortunately, he didn’t !

All those memories came to my mind at that time, I prayed for him a lot, and went to sleep and I had a very strange feeling we call it “alby ma2bood”.

Tuesday, 30 -04 – 2002: 11 AM:

I woke up and everything was regular, mum went to the hospital with my cousins, I was preparing for my English private lesson, my neighbor had come, she was taking that lesson with me, she asked me about my father, I told her that he is ok and we are planning to visit him tomorrow at the hospital ISA, and I told her am feeling comfortable and I still have some hope.

We took the lesson and my sister went to her party. My grand ma suggested me to call them at hospital to know what is going on.

Tuesday, 30 -04 – 2002: 4 PM:

I called my mother, but I found my cousin’s voice instead of mum’s voice:

Me: hi, how are you.

My cousin: el 7amdollaa

Me: baba 3amel eh

She: tant(to my mother), yassmin bet2olek 3amo 3amel eh !?

Me (I found it strange but I ignored that)

She: Yassmin haty gedeteek mama 3ayza tekalemha.

I ran to my grand ma, I gave her the mobile, and she suddenly screamed, I worried more, and she said some words I didn’t understand, all what came to my mind that my father is in a bad state and he will need an urgent surgery. She didn’t tell me anything and when anybody calls, she only shouting “mafeesh 7aga mafeesh 7aga ”, sure the caller will end the call before saying anything.

Minutes later, she told me to bring my sister from the school, till this moment, I didn’t realize anything (or it is the fact that we don’t not believe what we don’t want), I ran to the school and in my way, I looked to the sky, and I felt that his soul is filling the place, I started crying in my way, my sister’s friends called her and told her about my state, she came and asked:”Yassmin malek feeh eh ???”, I told her all the story, and asked her “teftekry?”, we replied both ”ya rab la2 ya rab la2”.

At home, my grand ma opened the door, and she couldn’t be strong any more, she told me the worst news I’ve ever heard, I didn’t feel anything and couldn’t remember what had happened next moments, just crying , crying , crying, and my neighbor came and took me in her room just to be away from any distractions.

Later, people started to come, my school teachers, friends, neighbors, and some relatives. I was supposed to set with them but I couldn’t, they tried to strengthen me , to say anything but I couldn’t believe what was happening till that moment.

Few hours later, things became worse, my mother and my cousins came, I saw her in a very weak state , I waited for her to give me the strength but she was in a bad need for it, my cousins were crying , my youngest brother who was at KG2 was screaming “mesh 3ayez 7ad ye3ayat , mesh 3ayez 7ad yelbes eswed”, and things went in that way for minutes, and after that they left me and my siblings to travel to our country to bury my father there.

The next 3 days were really the darkest days, I hate them really, I felt our home like a grave, my father is not here, I didn’t even see him before he died, my neighbors and my Uncle’s wife were caring about us, they did they best thankfully. Later, I heard that things were worst at our country, all the country was wearing dark, all the family was terribly sad, and why not, he was the chairman of the family, everyone loved him, everyone cried over him, everyone prayed for him!

After the 3 days of the condolence, my mother had come, and this moment was another critical moment in our lives.

She gathered us around her and told us that from this moment we don’t have back in this life except Allah, and you should depend on yourself in everything, you should build your lives, your names in our community and we will be as he ever wished, he didn’t leave us, his soul is still around us and he still feeling us.

Days has past after that, I got ready for the final exams, I found support from everyone el 7amdollaa, Allah was our greatest support, I was ranked the first on my school and the next year I got the same score and joined my dream faculty el 7amdollaa.

We’ve completed our life without him, life sometimes was so tough, and my mother shows great patience, support, struggling, and sacrificing. Everyone now has his own path, we always remember him and pray for him, his friends at KSA are still asking about us, and they always remember him, they always remember the very smart, workaholic, and the very descent guy.

His death changed me a lot, made me stronger, made me feel that life is nothing but just few days we should work hard at, made me realize that nothing is important than my family, made me sure that no disaster could happen more than his loss (except la kadar allah one of my family), made me believe that our age is not counted with how many years we lived, it is how many years we will live after our death!

May GOD place him at the Paradise, and all other Muslims deads.

P.S: later, the hospital defined his death hour at 10: 30 AM, at the same moment i told my friend that there is still hope, sob7an allaah!!